someone owes me an orgasm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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