I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
