You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
