So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize