youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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