when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
