Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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