...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
