I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
