you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
