The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm at about main and main street
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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