great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
