Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
