I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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