I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
