the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
