make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
