You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize