I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
don't judge my taste in strippers
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
