I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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