Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
