apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
