I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
