She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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