Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My brain says no but my pants say off.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
