mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
