Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
