i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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