He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
