I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
