Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
