is your mom at the bar?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
