i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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