I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize