i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
