I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
