Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
