There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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