did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
