I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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