So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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