Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
