Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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