the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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