So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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