I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
