my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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