So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
