it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize