I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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