Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
