you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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