How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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