Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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