ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Randomize
