remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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