It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
