dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
