it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
