I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
