well I can't set my house on fire every night
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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