I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
