i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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