so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
