Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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