and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
