I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize