if i can run in heels then i can drive
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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