why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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