I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
