i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
