I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize