Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
