Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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