I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
