dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we should paint friendship bongs
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