she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
