Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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