Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize