He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
