my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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