i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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