Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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