where am i from again
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
