Will you blow on my dice?
why didn't you poke me back
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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