so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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