I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
