one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
