Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
