so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
