remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
