Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
