Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
