I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
