isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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