oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
