I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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