I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize