that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
