He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize