Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
