I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
