You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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