you didnt know i had herpes?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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