I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
