She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
