My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
