I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
