And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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