I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize