I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
