if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
