i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize