So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
