There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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