Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
