my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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